It’s a beautiful day, and you have no plans. All your friends do, though. They’re out having a good time. Once again, you’ve been left out! Being among the uninvited is bad enough, but what it implies is even worse. Maybe there’s something wrong with me, you say to yourself. “Why doesn’t anyone want my company?”
Maybe, more than once, you have been in a situation like this before. You may feel as if a wide chasm separates you from your peers. You stammer every time you try to start a conversation with them. When you do have an opportunity to socialize, shyness rears its head. Why is simple socializing so difficult?
Rather than remain stuck on your side of the chasm, you can build some bridges. Let’s see how.
Chasm 1: A Negative view of yourself (Inferiority complex).
Some youths relentlessly put themselves down. They’re convinced that no one likes them and that they have nothing worthwhile to add to a conversation. Is that the way you feel about yourself? If so, a negative self-image will only widen the chasm that separates you from your peers.
The bridge: Focus on your assets. (2 Corinthians 11:6)
Ask yourself, ‘what are my strengths?’ Each person has something he or she does very well. So think of some talents or positive qualities that you posses and list it down. No doubt, you have flaws and weakness, and it’s good to be aware of these. (1 Corinthians 10:12) Nevertheless, you also have much to offer to the world. Recognizing your assets, (something you are very good at) will give you the confidence you need to break free from a negative self-image.
Chasm 2: Shyness.
You would like to start a conversation, but when opportunity calls itself, you just can’t seem to open your mouth. Many students think that they are in a permanent state of shyness.
The bridge: Take a genuine interest in others.
Don’t worry; you don’t have to turn into an extrovert (outgoing person). Start by showing interest in just one person. “Simply asking others how they are doing or asking them about their work helps you to get to know them better,” says a youth called Jorge.
Don’t limit yourself to people of your own age. Some of the warmest friendships recorded in the Bible were between people with considerable age differences, such as Timothy and Paul, Ruth and Naomi, David and Jonathan. (1 Corinthians 4:17; Ruth 1:16, 17; 1 Samuel 18:1). Remember, too, that conversation is a dialogue, not a solo performance. People appreciate good listeners. So, if you tend to be shy, remember; you don’t have to carry the whole conversation! Write down the name of the two adults you would like to get to know better.
Why not approach one of the people you listed and strike up a conversation? The more you reach out to the whole association of brothers,” the less lonely you’ll feel. Peter 2:17.
Chasm 3: Disagreeable behavior.
The know-it-all is always ready with an insult, a wisecrack, or a put-down. Then there’s the person who just loves to argue and force his opinions on everyone.
Being “righteous overmuch”, he quickly condemns anyone who doesn’t live up to his personal standards. (Ecclesiastes 7:16) In the likelihood, you can’t stand being around people like that! Could it be though, that a chasm has formed because you act that way? The bible says: “The foolish one speaks many words,” and also “in the abundance of words there does not fail to be transgression.” (Ecclesiastes 10:14; Proverb 10:19).
The bridge: Cultivate fellow feeling. (1 Peter 3:8)
Even if you don’t agree with another’s view, patiently allow that one to talk. Dwell on points that you agree on. If you feel must express disagreement on some issues, do so in a mild and tactful manner.
Speak to others the way you would want to be spoken to. The Bible’s advice is to “keep doing all things free form murmuring and arguments.” (Philippians 2:14) Needless bickering or teasing, as well as insulting others or self-righteously condemning them simply alienates people. They will like you a lot more if you “let your utterance be always with graciousness.” Colossians 4:6.
At All Costs?
After this brief self-examination, perhaps you see some ways that you can build bridges to cross the chasm that may have developed between you and others. Of course, you have to be realistic. You can’t expect everyone to like you. Jesus said that some would even hate those who do what is right. (John 15:19) So it doesn’t pay to try to win friends at all cost.
Nevertheless, while not compromising your bible based standards, you can make reasonable efforts to be pleasant and agreeable. Samuel of Bible times firmly resolved to do what would please God. The result? He kept growing “more favorable both in God’s stand-point and from that of men.” (1 Samuel 2:26) With a little effort, so will you!
Plan yourself.
The chasm I encounter most is
I will work to build a bridge in this area by
What I would like to ask my parent(s) about this subject is
Maybe, more than once, you have been in a situation like this before. You may feel as if a wide chasm separates you from your peers. You stammer every time you try to start a conversation with them. When you do have an opportunity to socialize, shyness rears its head. Why is simple socializing so difficult?
Rather than remain stuck on your side of the chasm, you can build some bridges. Let’s see how.
Chasm 1: A Negative view of yourself (Inferiority complex).
Some youths relentlessly put themselves down. They’re convinced that no one likes them and that they have nothing worthwhile to add to a conversation. Is that the way you feel about yourself? If so, a negative self-image will only widen the chasm that separates you from your peers.
The bridge: Focus on your assets. (2 Corinthians 11:6)
Ask yourself, ‘what are my strengths?’ Each person has something he or she does very well. So think of some talents or positive qualities that you posses and list it down. No doubt, you have flaws and weakness, and it’s good to be aware of these. (1 Corinthians 10:12) Nevertheless, you also have much to offer to the world. Recognizing your assets, (something you are very good at) will give you the confidence you need to break free from a negative self-image.
Chasm 2: Shyness.
You would like to start a conversation, but when opportunity calls itself, you just can’t seem to open your mouth. Many students think that they are in a permanent state of shyness.
The bridge: Take a genuine interest in others.
Don’t worry; you don’t have to turn into an extrovert (outgoing person). Start by showing interest in just one person. “Simply asking others how they are doing or asking them about their work helps you to get to know them better,” says a youth called Jorge.
Don’t limit yourself to people of your own age. Some of the warmest friendships recorded in the Bible were between people with considerable age differences, such as Timothy and Paul, Ruth and Naomi, David and Jonathan. (1 Corinthians 4:17; Ruth 1:16, 17; 1 Samuel 18:1). Remember, too, that conversation is a dialogue, not a solo performance. People appreciate good listeners. So, if you tend to be shy, remember; you don’t have to carry the whole conversation! Write down the name of the two adults you would like to get to know better.
Why not approach one of the people you listed and strike up a conversation? The more you reach out to the whole association of brothers,” the less lonely you’ll feel. Peter 2:17.
Chasm 3: Disagreeable behavior.
The know-it-all is always ready with an insult, a wisecrack, or a put-down. Then there’s the person who just loves to argue and force his opinions on everyone.
Being “righteous overmuch”, he quickly condemns anyone who doesn’t live up to his personal standards. (Ecclesiastes 7:16) In the likelihood, you can’t stand being around people like that! Could it be though, that a chasm has formed because you act that way? The bible says: “The foolish one speaks many words,” and also “in the abundance of words there does not fail to be transgression.” (Ecclesiastes 10:14; Proverb 10:19).
The bridge: Cultivate fellow feeling. (1 Peter 3:8)
Even if you don’t agree with another’s view, patiently allow that one to talk. Dwell on points that you agree on. If you feel must express disagreement on some issues, do so in a mild and tactful manner.
Speak to others the way you would want to be spoken to. The Bible’s advice is to “keep doing all things free form murmuring and arguments.” (Philippians 2:14) Needless bickering or teasing, as well as insulting others or self-righteously condemning them simply alienates people. They will like you a lot more if you “let your utterance be always with graciousness.” Colossians 4:6.
At All Costs?
After this brief self-examination, perhaps you see some ways that you can build bridges to cross the chasm that may have developed between you and others. Of course, you have to be realistic. You can’t expect everyone to like you. Jesus said that some would even hate those who do what is right. (John 15:19) So it doesn’t pay to try to win friends at all cost.
Nevertheless, while not compromising your bible based standards, you can make reasonable efforts to be pleasant and agreeable. Samuel of Bible times firmly resolved to do what would please God. The result? He kept growing “more favorable both in God’s stand-point and from that of men.” (1 Samuel 2:26) With a little effort, so will you!
Plan yourself.
The chasm I encounter most is
I will work to build a bridge in this area by
What I would like to ask my parent(s) about this subject is
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